Nowadays it’s common to see marriages where a woman looks actually more qualified than the husband. We see cases where the woman maintains the family, and the husband just stays at home, incapable of even getting a job. We also see cases of women who are more emotionally developed, having to take care of husbands who are little more than grown-up children, and even cases of women that are better at controlling their senses than their husbands.

Of course, people are free to live in the way they like, but we can see that frequently such unions are usually not very happy. The women are usually not happy to have an unreliable husband that can’t properly take care of the family, and the men are usually also not happy with being relegated to a secondary role. It’s also questionable if such a conflictive situation is favorable for their spiritual advancement.

Apart from the usual astrological matching and other considerations related to the compatibility between the spouses, the Vedas advise marriage between equals. A Brahmana should marry a Brahmini, a Ksatriya a Ksatrini, and so on. This assures the most harmonious situation, where the husband and wife have a similar worldview, share a similar culture, and have similar goals in life.

Nowadays feminism is very common, and often feminists criticize our movement due to elements of the Vedic culture that doesn’t agree with their ideas. The notion that a woman should follow her husband, for example, is very hard for them to agree on. As a result, often they accuse our philosophy of being chauvinist. There are however a few things they fail to notice.

Vaishnava philosophy is neither feminist nor chauvinist. These are both misguided mundane concepts, that represent extremes that should be avoided. Chauvinism consists of exploitation on the part of men, while feminism is a reaction on the opposite extreme. Both ideas are based on the mistaken identification with the body, and both are condemnable. Instead of freeing ourselves from the material shackles, both further condition us.

If one thinks that he is a man, the next question is: For how long are you a man? One started being a man from the moment of his birth, before he could have been a woman, a cow, or even a monkey, who knows. Similarly, another question would be: How long will you be a man? One will continue being a man until the time of his death, but after that, no one knows. He may become a woman in his next life, or a horse, or a mosquito. The same applies to someone who thinks she is a woman. In fact, men and women frequently switch sides from life to life, since usually men become attached to women and women to men. Hate is also a form of attachment, therefore fervorous feminists may see themselves as men in their next lives.

The idea is not to increase our identification as men or women, nor to prove that one is better than the other, but instead to reinforce our true identification as souls, eternal servants of Krsna.

When we study the books from Srila Prabhupada, especially the Srimad Bhagavatam, we find several passages that criticize mundane relationships between men and women. Instead, love for Krsna is pointed to as the only true love, different from the covered selfishness of the relationships in this material world.

When we get this philosophical understanding, relationships in this material world, and especially family life can start sounding counterproductive. If our goal is to learn how to love Krsna, why should we spend time cultivating temporary relationships in this material world?

This conclusion can lead one to prematurely try to give up all kinds of relationships and suppress his emotional needs, something that can have very adverse effects.

Although imperfect and temporary, relationships in this material world are a school that teaches us to gradually develop selflessness. Life in the spiritual world is based on relationships. Without succeeding in establishing proper relationships in this world, it’s actually quite hard to learn how to properly establish a relationship with Krsna. One who renounces relationships too early may actually end up going on the path of impersonalists, learning to just suppress his feelings and stop his activities.

Being a father or mother in Krsna Consciousness can be a little confusing. On the one hand, there is this small child who appears as our son and gradually grows and develops his intelligence and personality. At the same time, we philosophically understand that the soul is eternal and nobody is actually anyone’s son, since we are all eternal parts and parcels of Krsna.

In the 6th canto of Srimad Bhagavatam, we have the story of King Citraketu, who first could not conceive a son, and was eventually blessed to have a son who would give him great jubilation but also great lamentation. The great jubilation was the joy of being a parent and enjoying the company of the child, and the great lamentation was the toddler’s premature death.

Seeing the great lamentation of the king with the untimely death of his son, Narada Muni called the soul to reenter the body for a short time. However, now, the soul was not tied by the illusion connected with the body and spoke from the true perspective of an eternal soul. He said:

“According to the results of my fruitive activities, I, the living being, transmigrate from one body to another, sometimes going to the species of the demigods, sometimes to the species of lower animals, sometimes among the vegetables, and sometimes to the human species. Therefore, in which birth were these my mother and father? No one is actually my mother and father. How can I accept these two people as my parents?” (SB 6.16.4)

Similarly, when the son of Srvasa Pandita died during a kirtana, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu also called the soul back to his body, and asked: “Why did you leave your father’s house?” To everyone’s surprise, the supposedly dead child opened his eyes, sat down, and started speaking: “My Lord I am Your eternal servant. And wherever You send me, that’s where I want to be. By the power of destiny and by the power of Your mercy I was allowed to live all these days in the auspicious home of Srivas. But now by the power of your will, my destiny is to move to another body. Who is my relative? Who is my father? Who is my Mother? When the time comes the soul must depart from the body. Now my Lord I beg You, please forgive me for any offenses I may have made and grant me the boon that wherever You send me I may have the association of Your devotees. With Your permission, I will now go.”

Reading such passages, how can one accept someone as his son or daughter? Why should we become parents in the first place? Is this not supposed to be just an illusion?