We all understand that we are the soul and not the body. Still, feeling and acting like a soul is not as easy as one may think. Going from a conditioned life to a completely liberated platform, where we completely stop caring about the body, is actually a long way.

Amongst different material activities, there are four that are very difficult to give up: eating tasty foods, sleeping, defending ourselves and our social position, and having sex life.

The first two are kind of straightforward in Krsna Consciousness: although there is a general recommendation we should try to reduce our eating and sleeping, there is no prohibition. One may very well eat as much prasadam as he wants, and sleep as much as necessary to keep his mind in order.

We also understand that excessive defense is counterproductive to spiritual life and that we should as far as possible depend on Krsna, but again there is no prohibition: one may also defend himself as he sees fit, just avoiding excesses.

In this way, we can see that there is no great difficulty harmonizing these three activities with Krsna Consciousness. We understand that the goal is to gradually minimize these propensities, but one may do this at his own pace, progressing during his or her life.

The greatest problem is sex life. Not only it’s the hardest to give up, but also the point where there are the most serious restrictions. This combination of strong desire and restrictions historically led to many problems, including celibates getting involved in sexual scandals, married men and women getting involved in extramarital affairs, divorces, and so on.

There is also a lot of discussion about what exactly we are supposed to follow. Is it sufficient to restrain sex life to married life, or has one to go for the more restrictive idea of sex only for begetting children?

Srila Prabhupada speaks in different passages about three different ideas:

– Sex only inside married life.
– Sex once per month on the 6th day after the start of the period.
– Sex only with the explicit purpose of begetting children.

We can see that in other topics Prabhupada is very consistent in his instructions. When he speaks about meat eating, for example, he always gives the idea of avoiding any type of meat, as well as fish and eggs. Occasionally he mentions that people may eat other animals and just refrain from killing cows, but it’s clear that this applies to meat eaters, not to devotees.

Why then there is this apparent ambiguity in his instructions regarding sex life?

As in other points, there is actually no ambiguity, it’s just that in different passages he speaks about three different standards.

The idea of sex restricted to married life is the general principle for civilized human beings. Without it, people just go from one partner to the other, and children grow up without the presence of a father, which is profoundly destructive for society. Of course, these things are common nowadays, but it doesn’t make it any better.

The second standard, of having sex once per month on the sixth day after the start of the period, is a standard prescribed in the Manu Samhita and other dharma sastras. Srila Prabhupada suggests that general followers of the Vedas were following this standard in previous eras. On SB 5.13.4, for exemple, he mentions:

“It is said that household attraction resides in the wife because sex is the center of household life: yan maithunādi-gṛhamedhi-sukhaṁ hi tuccham. A materialistic person, making his wife the center of attraction, works very hard day and night. His only enjoyment in material life is sexual intercourse. Therefore karmīs are attracted to women as friends or wives. Indeed, they cannot work without sex. Under the circumstances the wife is compared to a whirlwind, especially during her menstrual period. Those who strictly follow the rules and regulations of householder life engage in sex only once a month, at the end of the menstrual period. As one looks forward to this opportunity, his eyes are overwhelmed by the beauty of his wife. Thus it is said that the whirlwind covers the eyes with dust.” (SB 5.13.4)

It’s important to note that women become fertile only much later in the month, usually around the 13th, 14th, or 15th day after the start of the period. Except in some uncommon cases, sexual intercourse on the 6th day has a very small chance of resulting in pregnancy.

As Prabhupada suggests in this verse, this seems to be a general concession for men who need regular sex life in order to perform their family duties. Since it’s prescribed in the dharma shastras, we can’t say it’s sinful. Although there may be no explicit intention to beget a child, and the possibility of pregnancy is extraordinarily low, one is not using contraceptives and not going against the laws of nature.

As Prabhupada explains, that is the general standard followed by people engaged in fruitive activities. However, at the same time, he mentions it may not be the best for devotees seriously interested in advancing in spiritual life.

This leads to the idea of no sex life except for explicitly begetting a child, which is summarized in his purport to SB 6.4.52:

“It should be noted that although such a facility for sexual intercourse is achieved by the grace of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, this facility is not offered to advanced devotees, who are free from material desires (anyābhilāṣitā-śūnyam [Madhya 19.167]). In this connection it may be noted that if the American boys and girls engaged in the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement want to advance in Kṛṣṇa consciousness to achieve the supreme benefit of loving service to the Lord, they should refrain from indulging in this facility for sex life. Therefore we advise that one should at least refrain from illicit sex. Even if there are opportunities for sex life, one should voluntarily accept the limitation of having sex only for progeny, not for any other purpose. Kardama Muni was also given the facility for sex life, but he had only a slight desire for it. Therefore after begetting children in the womb of Devahūti, Kardama Muni became completely renounced. The purport is that if one wants to return home, back to Godhead, one should voluntarily refrain from sex life. Sex should be accepted only as much as needed, not unlimitedly.”

What can we take from this? We should see how far we can realistically go. As one advances in spiritual life, the desire for sex life diminishes. The difficulty is that we normally get married earlier in our spiritual lives, when material desires are still strong, and we need to find some balance that allows us to continue practicing spiritual life while at the same time living a pious life.

Srila Prabhupada was teaching that devotees who are serious in their practice of Krsna Consciousness should try to follow the highest standard of having sex life only for begetting children, but at the same time, he was lenient with his married disciples who could not follow such a high standard but were at least having sex life only inside the marriage. Prabhupada was also making clear that sex inside family life is always much better than “real” illicit sex outside of it.

A famous example of that is that once it became known that a married devotee living in Mayapur had an affair with a local society girl. Prabhupada called the devotee and asked him why he had done that, and he explained he was too much tormented by lust and couldn’t control himself. Prabhupada exclaimed: “But you are married! Why did you have to go to a prostitute!?” In his defense, the devotee said that his wife wanted to follow the principle of no illicit sex, and therefore he couldn’t have it with her. Prabhupada instructed him that sex inside marriage is an extremely minor violation if compared to sex outside of marriage.

Bhavananda Prabhu relates that once he went to Prabhupada to complain that some of the couples living in Mayapur were having sex more than once a month, but Prabhupada just ignored him. A little later, when he insisted, Prabhupada cut him sharply: “Why do you think I told them to get married?”

In another famous passage, a lady disciple left her husband. When Prabhupada asked her why she explained that it was because he was in Maya and always wanted to have sex. Srila Prabhupada asked, “And you cannot satisfy?”

By taking these different passages together, we can understand that while sex outside family life is always condemned, sex with one’s spouse is a gray area. In the highest sense, it’s better to avoid sex altogether, because it doesn’t help us to acquire pure love for Krsna, but if this is not possible, there are different standards and different priorities and one has to see where he or she fits.

The two main priorities are to not have extramarital affairs and to not divorce. In comparison, sex life inside marriage is a minor violation. It doesn’t help us in our spiritual life, but it’s not very sinful either.

If one is advanced enough to have sex only for begetting children, that’s the best. If not, one can try to restrain himself to doing it once per month on the sixth day. If that’s also not possible, then one should at least try to uphold the two main principles of not having sex outside the marriage and not divorcing, as well as properly educating his children in Krsna Consciousness when they come.

All these different standards are still inside the scope of the teachings of Srila Prabhupada.