One important factor that every husband (devotee or not) should understand to be able to have a harmonious family life is about spheres of influence for the couple. This is a topic extensively described in the common-sense Purana.
It happens that every soul has a propensity for controlling. That’s why in the Bhagavad-Gita Krsna refers to us, the conditioned souls as “Purusha”, although in reality, He is the only real Purusha. Although constitutionally the soul is Prakriti, the energy of Krsna when the soul comes to this material world, it plays the role of an enjoyer or Purusha, and the most noticeable facet of this cosplay is our tendency to control.
What does it have to do with family life?
It happens that both men and women are souls, and except in very special couples, both are still conditioned. That’s usually what makes us get married in the first place.
Being both souls and both conditioned, both husband and wife have a tendency, to control, and we can practically see that in most couples this doesn’t go very well. Two persons living in the same house, both wanting to be the boss is a recipe for conflict. How can we avoid that?
One way is for the man to exert his controlling tendency out of the house, by pursuing activities that are really important for his development, as well as in his internal spiritual practice. In other words, he may be controlling in his work, his hobbies, etc. as well as in his own spiritual practice. He may also control the general direction the couple is going, taking charge of the main decisions, etc. but he should let the wife control things at home. The wife should be given the freedom to organize the house the way she likes. She may even decide what foods the family is eating and choose the husband’s clothes since usually, women are better at choosing these things anyway.
The house is her kshetra, the place where she can manipulate matter and execute her activities, therefore, it’s natural that it becomes her sphere of influence. The function of the husband in this sphere is more to be attentive to the needs of the wife and the house and to provide what is needed. If this is observed, the family can flourish. If otherwise, the husband wants to control things at home, there will be conflict. How a man would feel if his wife tried to control him at his work for example?
Another point about this is that in Vedic culture a man is encouraged to see himself as just a guest in his house. The house belongs to the wife and children and he just stays there for part of his life, fulfilling his duties and preparing to accept the renounced order of life later on, when his family responsibilities are concluded. A man who starts to feel like the controller of the house will become excessively attached to it, and as a result will end up becoming a Grhamedhi, a path that is not encouraged in the scriptures.
It may be hard to have to follow rules about what to dress, where to sit, where to sleep, how to use the toilet, etc. in his own house, but a man who follows that gains not only peace of mind at home but also have a chance of developing detachment that will lead him to higher spheres of spiritual advancement. A man fighting with his wife over toothpaste tubs and toilet seats is not a sign of greatness but of mediocrity. Can you imagine King Yudhisthira fighting with Draupadi over the color of the curtains, for example? Great men let their wives deal with such details, trusting their judgment while they take care of what is really important. That’s how they become great in the first place.
Apart from the mediocrity aspect, men who are too anxious to dominate and control risk just remaining in this material world and getting female bodies in their next lives. They may end up getting husbands just like the ones they are in this life, which may not be such a happy outcome.