Pārvatī and Lord Shiva are the most exalted example of a couple in our universe. Lord Shiva is the perfect Vaishnava, and Pārvatī is the most dedicated wife. Lord Shiva lives under a tree and is completely renounced, while Pārvatī is a princess, the daughter of the king of the Himalayas. She could have selected anyone as her husband. but she chose Lord Shiva, not because he is a rich man, but because of his spiritual position. Similarly, although a princess, Devahuti chose Kardama Muni as her husband, even though he was a renounced sage, due to his spiritual advancement. She valued his sanctity and spiritual realization much more than power or money. Therefore, after the marriage, she was happy to serve him while he was practicing his austerities, as described in the third canto of Srimad Bhagavatam.
In his purports, Prabhupada gives more detail of the relationship between Devahuti and Kardama Muni. Kardama Muni was a highly qualified man, one of the greatest sages in the universe, and Devahuti accepted him as a superior. She was thus happy in serving him without reservation.
As Prabhupada mentions, the natural instinct for any woman is to marry a man who is stronger, more intelligent, more emotionally mature, etc. than her, therefore when the man can play the role, this relationship of respect is naturally established. This is the ideal situation for both because when a man has the respect of his wife he becomes motivated to grow and develop his potential, while the wife benefits from receiving the protection of such a great man. The husband becomes happy when he can play the role of a hero, and the wife is happy when she can play the role of someone protected by the hero. This is a situation where both flourish. Of course, things are rarely ideal in Kali-yuga, but this basic dynamic is still valid. Degraded men may display qualities such as harshness, infidelity, or even violence, that will make the life of a wife very difficult.
Because a wife is supposed to follow her husband and adopt the same lifestyle for her marriage to be harmonious, in Vedic culture women marry men who are of the same class or higher. There was no harm in Devahuti, who was a Ksatriyaṇi marrying Kardama Muni, who was a Brahmana, but a marriage between a Ksatriya woman and a Vaishya or Sudra man would be condemned, because it would not only result in a disharmonious family life, but in degradation for the woman, who would have to follow the lifestyle of a lesser man. Nowadays there is no such clear division between classes as before, but the general principle is still that a woman should marry a man who is similar in nature, or higher.
Lust, pride, envy, greed, sinful activities, and vanity are great obstacles to our spiritual advancement, but we can gradually overcome them by practicing the principles of spiritual life and developing an attitude of service. In the case of Kardama Muni and Devahuti, the situation was that Kardama Muni was directly serving the Lord through his advanced devotional practices and Devahuti was serving him as a dedicate wife. In this way, both were advancing. It’s not so easy to have the opportunity of directly serving the Lord, but it is easy to serve his devotees. Devahuti had a very exalted husband, therefore was natural for her to serve him, and by doing so she was advancing spiritually in imperceptible ways.
Although Kardama Muni was a greater yogi than Devahuti, she was a princess, while Kardama Muni was just a poor sage dressed in rags. This could be a reason for Devahuti to become proud, and this pride could ruin her family life. There is always something one can do better than another. When Dronacarya asked Yudhisthira to find someone lower than him, he couldn’t, because he noticed even animals could do certain things better than him, or had qualities he didn’t have. Similarly, a wife may have many reasons to be proud, but if she is not able to control it, this may ruin her family life, therefore Devahuti was very careful about it, abandoning her pride as a princess and adopting the same lifestyle as her exalted husband. We can see something similar in the story of Gandhari. When she heard that she was getting married to Dhrtarastra, who was blind by birth, she decided to voluntarily cover her eyes, understanding that being able to see would make her feel better than her husband.
Another point mentioned by Prabhupada is that although they were different in terms of social status, Kardama Muni and Devahuti were of the same category, because both were yogis capable of controlling their senses, and both were great devotees of the Lord. Therefore, although it was not easy for Devahuti to adapt to life in the forest, she was happy to do so, because she had the same goals as her husband and could understand and appreciate his austerities. If she had been a materialistic person, her married life would not have been so successful. As Prabhupada mentions:
“The wife is expected to be of the same category as the husband. She must be prepared to follow the principles of the husband, and then there will be happy life. If the husband is a devotee and the wife is materialistic, there cannot be any peace in the home. The wife must see the tendencies of the husband and must be prepared to follow him.”
Often women get the idea of marrying a pure devotee. While this is a nice sentiment, practically speaking, this may not be a very good idea unless a woman is prepared to also be a pure devotee. A materialistic woman will not be able to appreciate the association of a saintly husband, and will not be able to benefit from his association. The differences in mentality will also make their family life disharmonious, which will be unfavorable for both. We can remember the example of the wife of Prabhupada drinking tea with her friends while he was lecturing on the Srimad Bhagavatam to guests, and later selling his books to buy biscuits, for example.