Traditionally in Vedic culture, the compatibility between two potential spouses would be checked using astrology. This is still followed in many parts of India, and devotees also frequently use this method. Astrology is not a guarantee of happiness in married life, but it can help to identify potential problems.
Srila Prabhupada also speaks about the use of astrology, but at the same time he states that when both a boy and a girl are devotees, no other considerations are required since this is the best compatibility.
This statement may sound contradictory to some, and we can also practically see that not all devotees who marry are happy in family life. Frequently we see the opposite. So how can we take this statement?
The point is that married life is highly dependent on cooperation, and of course, cooperation demands a similarity of interests. If the husband wants one thing and the wife wants to go in a completely different direction, it will be very hard for them to live together harmoniously.
Astrology can help in the sense of identifying similarities in terms of material tendencies. It can tell if both the boy and girl are under the same “Maya” so to say, and are going to strive for similar things in life. The closer the tendencies are, the easier will be for them to cooperate and maintain a good relationship.
However, material compatibility is also limited in the sense that it is based on selfishness and thus is not a guarantee of happiness. Just because two persons have similar interests it doesn’t mean they will be able to cooperate. They may very well become rivals.
Being a devotee of Krsna implies that one is working on his selfishness, which is the basis of all the disputes in this material world. If both spouses are devotees this also implies similarity of interests, since both now want to serve Krsna and advance in their spiritual practice. If these are indeed the primary things in their lives, other considerations will become secondary.
The more one advances in spiritual life, the less useful astrology becomes in determining compatibility, since astrology takes into consideration the situation at the time of birth, being limited in terms of calculating how much a person changed his karma and qualities during this life as a result of his or her spiritual practice.
The point however is what our understanding of the word “devotee” is. In his teachings, Srila Prabhupada consistently uses the word “devotee” in the sense of a pure devotee, or at least someone who is very advanced or very sincere in his or her spiritual practice.
At this level, one has the opportunity of breaking with his or her egoistic material propensities and choosing to become a servant of Krsna and His devotees. When two persons who feel affection for each other have the same desire to serve Krsna and have successfully subdued their material egos, it’s not hard to live together and cooperate in the service of Krsna. Quite the opposite, chances are this will be a very happy combination.
The greatest problem we have in family life (and in other material relationships for that matter) is our tendency to dominate and exploit others. When both a man and a woman want to dominate, it’s not possible to have a harmonious relationship, since it’s not possible to have two bosses in the same house. If the man wants to dominate and the lady accepts a submissive position, it may work, but it may also result in serious abuse. Only when both are ready to abandon this tendency things can really work smoothly, and that’s a quality that manifests only at a relatively advanced level in our spiritual practice.
When we are not on such a level, however, it means that we are still firmly under material influence, and thus astrology should be used to see if they are under a similar combination of the material modes. As in other apparent contradictions, we can see that both statements are correct, but at different levels.