When we speak about the difficulties we face in our spiritual practice, we frequently focus on the mind. In the Bhagavad-Gita (6.5), Krsna mentions that the mind is the greatest friend of the living entity, but his enemy as well. This means that when our desires are properly purified, the natural function of the mind of desiring things becomes very positive for our development since we start to desire things connected with the service to Krsna. However, when our desires are impure, the mind works against us, propelling us away in the direction of sin and forgetfulness of Krsna.
Although the voices inside our heads may suggest that the mind is some kind of conscious being, that’s not exactly the case. The mind is more like a force that pushes us. As we see and experience things, the different desires are stored and the mind pushes us in the direction of trying to satisfy them. Just like a physical force like fire or wind, the push of the mind can be very difficult to resist. In Bhagavad-Gita (6.34), Arjuna mentions that the mind is so obstinate that controlling it is harder than controlling the wind.
Directly stopping the workings of the mind is not only extremely difficult but actually dangerous for our spiritual development. Without the push of the mind, the conditioned soul becomes just some inert and apathetic being, like a stone. This may sound like an attractive goal for an impersonalist or nihilist but is certainly not desirable for a devotee. We don’t want to extinguish all desires, we want to start desiring to serve Krsna instead of matter. The path for us is thus to purify our desires and make the mind a friend. When the mind becomes a friend, it starts pushing us in the right direction, back to Godhead, just like favorable winds propelling a sailboat. Until we can awaken our spiritual body, complete with spiritual mind, spiritual intelligence, and spiritual ego, the material mind is the toll we have to work with.
There is however another tool that is no less important than the mind, which is the false ego.
Just like the mind, the false ego is not a personal being, but a material energy that pushes us in different directions. Although subtle, the false ego is a tangible thing, described as one of the material elements, just like earth or water.
The false ego is quite important for us in conditioned life because it creates our sense of identity. When we fall into the material world, our true ego, or our real sense of identity (as an eternal servant of Krsna) is forgotten, and we start to assume different temporary identities under the influence of the false ego. In one life I may be a demigod, in another an ant, and in each life, I identify equally strongly with the temporary identity I receive.
When we hear about that, our first reaction may be to want to extinguish the false ego, but in our current stage, this is not very wise. Destroying the false ego before awakening our true ego can be highly destructive, also putting us in an apathetic, dysfunctional state. Until we can reawaken our true ego, situating ourselves back in our real sense of identity as an eternal servant of Krsna, the false ego is a tool we have to work with, just like the mind.
From the scriptures, we understand that there are two platforms in which one can practice spiritual life: raganuga-bhakti and sadhana-bhakti.
Raganuga-bhakti, or spontaneous devotional service can be only practiced by someone who is already on a transcendental platform. There is no but or if, only someone who has awakened his spiritual mind, intelligence, senses, and true ego can practice it. Anyone else will just become a sahajiya.
For regular conditioned souls like us, the only feasible process to get there is the process of sadhana-bhakti, or regulated devotional service, following the recommendations of the scriptures.
It happens that the process of sadhana-bhakti is heavily based on a sense of duty, which is in turn heavily dependent on our concept of identity. For example, when one accepts the identity of a book distributor, he will work hard to try to distribute books for Krsna, and thus be gradually purified. If one accepts the identity of a housewife, she will try to take care of her husband and children, understanding that they are servants of Krsna, and in this way also progress. If one accepts the identity of a cook he will diligently work in feeding devotees or preparing offerings for the deities, and so on.
All these identities are still based on the false ego. Being a book distributor or a housewife is not our eternal swarupa, but still just a temporary material identity. However, such identities are essential, because they allow us to practice devotional service, purify ourselves, and gradually connect ourselves to our true spiritual identity.
The problem is that the modern world is so dangerous and oppressive that often people have their concept of identity destroyed by abuse, bullying, loneliness, aggression, and so on. When this happens a person may just fall into a depressive and dysfunctional state, incapable of focusing on anything, including devotional service. When this happens, a person needs to first find a new concept of identity, and from there be able to start the path of regulated devotional service. This can only be done through empowerment and encouragement.
Often we are more used to dealing with proud people, where we need to find ways to humble them, curbing their false ego a little in order to bring them to a balanced state. When we are dealing with people with broken egos, on the other hand, the process is the opposite, we need to praise them, show trust, and empower them in order to get good results. When the concept of identity of a person is broken and he or she is feeling worthless and without purpose, the only way to help is by showing them that they indeed have value and can be useful in life. In other words, we need to help them to find a new sense of identity, where they can use their natural talents and propensities to serve Krsna. We need to prove that they are loved and needed, and thus bring them back to a functional state where they can be again happy and productive.
It happens that often we are good at chastising people, but not so good at encouraging and nourishing. This makes us often do more harm than good to the people we are trying to help.