One of the problems of the material world, especially in current society, is that people can’t be completely honest with each other. Honest and good-natured people are frequently cheated by others, and thus even the best people need to learn to build their defenses to be able to live in this world.
When we come to Krsna Consciousness we frequently lower our guard, thinking that all devotees are saints. Many indeed are, but unfortunately not all of them. There are many materialistic people who pose as devotees, and these can be quite dangerous. There are also devotees who are quite sincere, but not yet at a level where they can break with their negative materialistic tendencies, and thus can still be propense to cheat others.
In the Sri Isopanisad, Srila Prabhupada explains that a conditioned soul has four defects: the tendency to commit mistakes, the propensity of being in illusion, imperfect senses and intelligence, and the propensity to cheat others. We are all trying to get rid of such defects, but unfortunately, they follow us quite far in spiritual life.
Prabhupada mentions in his books that in previous times people used to marry much earlier. He mentions that in Vedic societies an age of 24 years for the boy and 16 years for the girl was considered ideal. This may be considered quite early by today’s standards but is actually quite conservative in a historical context. In most societies, people used to get married sooner than that. In most of medieval Europe, girls would be married around 13, if not earlier. This ended only in recent times, a couple of centuries ago.
Nowadays is of course more common for both ladies and men to get married much later, often in their late thirties, sometimes in their forties. This is a general tendency that has been noticeable in practically all societies, including among devotees. Good or bad that’s just how things work nowadays.
What changed compared to the traditional societies described by Srila Prabhupada? The main difference is that in these societies people would have strong role models in their mothers, fathers, and other relatives. People would grow up in families and learn by observing how to be a husband, father, wife, mother, etc. On top of that, their education would be strongly geared towards family life and moral values. As a result, a boy of twenty-four years, or a girl of sixteen would be already perfectly capable of cultivating a mature relationship. Even if there were problems, the parents were around to help to fix it.
Nowadays, however, rarely people receive a good example from their parents, and schools teach only technical knowledge. To make things worse, consumer society teaches people to remain in a permanent child-like state, just satisfying their basic instincts and seeing themselves as the center of the universe. We try to apply the same consumer mentality we have towards products and services to our relationships, and as a result, we have people in their twenties or thirties who are completely emotionally immature, and bereft of the basic tools needed to cultivate any kind of healthy relationship.
In this situation, typically, people have to learn by trial and error, usually by going through a series of failed relationships. The ones who are intelligent may be able to learn something by their thirties, but the majority reach maturity only in their forties or fifties, or not even that. Many become so scarred by all these failed relationships and beltways suffered earlier in their lives that continue having problems cultivating normal relationships up to the end.
In the 1930s, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura wrote an article entitled “Putana”, in which he criticizes organized religion, comparing it to Kamsa in his efforts to bring people away from Krsna. At first, one could understand that this article condemns all kinds of organized religion, supporting some kind of spiritual anarchism, but an attentive look reveals that this is not the case, especially considering that Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura himself created an institution, in the form of the Gaudiya Math, and instructed his disciples to maintain it. So, what is it about?
In the article, he mentions that “King Kamsa, the typical aggressive empiricist, is ever on the lookout for the appearance of the truth for the purpose of suppressing Him before He has time to develop. This is no exaggeration of the real connotation of the consistent empiric position. The materialist has a natural repugnance for the transcendent. He is disposed to link that faith in the incomprehensible is the parent of dogmatism and hypocrisy in the guise of religion.”
In this analogy, Kamsa is compared to the inveterate materialist, who may create and profess some mundane religion while at the same time rejecting all genuine transcendental processes under the excuse of using logic and science. In this way, he professes a form of religion that actually keeps people bound to the material by the use of dogmas, rituals, and hypocrisy.
We can see that many popular religions in the world fit into this description, using some sacred scripture and professing in the name of some revered spiritual teacher, but at the same time offering a process based on dogmas and rituals that keep people firmly rooted into their materialism, distracting them from real spiritual processes.
In the Bhagavad-Gita, Krsna says: “Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear.” That’s usually the verse everyone remembers, possibly because it’s one of the last verses in the Bhagavad-Gita. However, we often fail to try to understand what it really means, and as a result, we often misapply it, which can lead to serious problems in our spiritual lives.
The first problem is when we try to surrender to Krsna without really understanding what it means. Krsna says to Arjuna to surrender unto Him at the end of the Bhagavad-Gita, after making sure he understood the whole text. During the Bhagavad-Gita Krsna explains many topics, such as Karma-yoga, how to become free from the three modes of material nature, how to see Krsna everywhere, how to gradually control our minds and senses, how to gradually become detached while performing our material duties, and so on. Surrendering to Krsna means understanding and following these instructions, which is impossible to do if we don’t study the whole text thoroughly. This leads us to the second problem.
Often people who may not have a completely mature understanding of spiritual life use the verse to press others to agree with whatever understanding they have of the spiritual process. In this case, his followers may not exactly be surrendering to Krsna, but surrendering to him as a leader and to whatever ideas he has about spiritual life. There are many who teach adulterated versions of the philosophy and tell their followers to not trust anyone apart from them.
There were many incidents in the past of our movement that, putting it mildly, were far from ideal. People who would put their trust in spiritual authorities would end up being deceived. Up to this day, that’s a great scar that many of us are still struggling to surpass.
Why Krsna did not intervene and make our society perfect from day one?
In parenting, we quickly learn that we can’t do everything for our children; frequently we just need to allow them to commit mistakes and learn from them the hard way. My personal understanding of it is that if Krsna would mystically intervene every time something wrong was about to happen, perhaps we as a society would not learn the lessons we are supposed to learn. Probably we would not mature in the way we are supposed to do.
When there is a war, always many innocent persons suffer. The man in charge, the one who started it, is surely responsible, and he will have to pay for his acts, be here or in hell. However, there are always people who could have intervened and done something but chose to be negligent. To a smaller degree, they are also responsible. Finally, there are other people who were not directly affected by the situation and thus chose to ignore what was happening. Although on a much smaller scale, they also share part of the responsibility. Without their voluntary or involuntary cooperation, things could not have happened the way they did.
In his books, Srila Prabhupada emphasizes the idea of simple living and high thinking. We often misunderstand it as a simple boost to leave the cities and go to live on farms, doing God knows what there, but when we go deep into his teachings we can start appreciating how deep and practical this idea is. It is a very practical guide to finding something we are all looking for, but not many can attain: happiness.
We often connect our happiness with attaining certain material goals. If one’s idea of happiness is having a mansion, a Ferrari, a yacht, and a supermodel wife, he will probably remain unhappy his whole life, since it’s quite improbable that this goal will ever be attained. He will always compare what he has with this unattainable goal, and thus feel that he is always lacking.
Even if he gets it, he will probably still be unhappy. Looking around, he will see other people who have still more, which will make him associate his idea of happiness with even harder goals, and even if he again somehow succeeds and becomes the richest man in the world, he will still be unhappy due to the anxiety of losing what he got. This is a cycle that goes without end until the end of our lives, leaving us unhappy and frustrated.
Different from the modern concept that everyone is equal, the Vedas explain that although the soul is the same, people acquire different natures according to their conditioning, and thus the path each one has to follow to get rid of this conditioning can be different, just like difference patients should be prescribed with different medicines, according to their diseases. A physician who prescribes the same medicine to all patients will probably do more harm than good.
Not only do people have different natures, but also there are fundamental differences between genders that can’t be underestimated. A truck can be used to transport passengers, just like a car can be used to carry loads, but this goes only up to a certain extent. After a certain point, we are forced to accept that there are fundamental differences between the two types of vehicles and each has its proper function. This doesn’t contradict the understanding that the driver is different from the vehicle.
The idea that we are the soul and not the body opens up a very broad concept of egalitarianism that is not available in other philosophies. Not only we are all brothers (or sisters, if we consider the innate feminine nature of the soul as the energy of Krsna) but we are all the same! Although we are all individuals, there is no qualitative difference between us. However, at the same time, it’s a mistake to fall into the modern idea that everyone is equal and therefore women should do the same things as men because as long as we are acting in a material platform, there will be differences introduced by the type of body and nature we currently have.
Just like no amount of talk about equal rights is capable of making a man beget a child, there are many areas where there are differences between the features of a male and female body, and it is foolish to ignore these differences.
Some say that we should pray to Krsna when we face material difficulties, and even when we want particular material things since it’s better to pray to Krsna than to anyone else. However, others say that we should pray to Him strictly to ask for devotional service. What should we do?
It depends on which platform we are on. Srila Prabhupada explains this in detail in his purport to SB 6.9.40. This is part of the pastime when demigods approach Lord Vishnu to ask for help in fighting the demon Vritrasura, who had defeated them and expelled them from the celestial planets:
“There are two kinds of devotees, known as sakāma and akāma. Pure devotees are akāma, whereas devotees in the upper planetary systems, such as the demigods, are called sakāma because they still want to enjoy material opulence.” “The difference between sakāma and akāma devotees is that when sakāma devotees, like the demigods, fall into difficulty, they approach the Supreme Personality of Godhead for relief, whereas akāma devotees, even in the greatest danger, never disturb the Lord for material benefits. Even if an akāma devotee is suffering, he thinks this is due to his past impious activities and agrees to suffer the consequences. He never disturbs the Lord. Sakāma devotees immediately pray to the Lord as soon as they are in difficulty, but they are regarded as pious because they consider themselves fully dependent on the mercy of the Lord.” “Even while suffering in the midst of difficulties, devotees simply offer their prayers and service more enthusiastically. In this way they become firmly fixed in devotional service and eligible to return home, back to Godhead, without a doubt. Sakāma devotees, of course, achieve from the Lord the results they desire from their prayers, but they do not immediately become fit to return to Godhead.“
As Srila Prabhupada explains, there are two classes of devotees, sakāma (with material desires) and akāma (pure devotees, without material desires). Pure devotees by definition have no material desires, and thus they don’t pray to Krsna for that. They fully understand that the Lord knows everything, and are completely surrendered to His will, therefore they don’t see the need to disturb the Lord by praying for protection either. Such pure devotees pray only for achieving pure devotional service.
However, not all of us are on such an elevated platform. As a consequence, we often fear for our own security, we desire to obtain different things, we have many material desires, and so on. The point the scriptures make is that although it’s better to pray for the Lord exclusively for devotional service, if we are going to ask someone, it’s much better to ask the Lord.
In the Bhagavad-Gita Krsna reveals that most people start on the path of devotional service by praying for material things. However, the Lord is not angry about that. On the opposite, He describes these materialistic devotees as “su-kṛtino”, or pious people:
“O best among the Bhāratas, four kinds of pious men begin to render devotional service unto Me – the distressed, the desirer of wealth, the inquisitive, and he who is searching for knowledge of the Absolute.” (Bg 7.16)
However, He also explains that there is a difference in quality between them and a pure devotee who approaches Him with a completely pure heart:
“Of these, the one who is in full knowledge and who is always engaged in pure devotional service is the best. For I am very dear to him, and he is dear to Me. All these devotees are undoubtedly magnanimous souls, but he who is situated in knowledge of Me I consider to be just like My own self. Being engaged in My transcendental service, he is sure to attain Me, the highest and most perfect goal.” (Bg 7.17-18)
As we can see, both sides are correct to a certain extent. If we are going to pray for someone, we should pray to Krsna, instead of praying to some demigod or begging to some rich person. By bringing our material anxieties to Krsna we gradually become purified, and eventually realize that all these things are illusory, something that doesn’t happen when we pray to demigods.
As Srila Prabhupada explains, “The four classes of neophyte devotees who approach the Supreme Personality of Godhead to offer devotional service because of material motives are not pure devotees, but the advantage for such materialistic devotees is that they sometimes give up their material desires and become pure. When the demigods are utterly helpless, they approach the Supreme Personality of Godhead in grief and with tears in their eyes, praying to the Lord, and thus they become almost pure devotees, free from material desires. Admitting that they have forgotten pure devotional service because of extensive material opportunities, they fully surrender to the Lord, leaving to His consideration whether to maintain them or annihilate them. Such surrender is necessary.” (SB 6.9.44)
Apart from that, Krsna is the only one who can really give us material relief, as Srila Prabhupada also explains: “One need only seek shelter of the shade of the Lord’s lotus feet. Then all the material tribulations that disturb him will be subdued, just as when one comes under the shadow of a big tree, the disturbances caused by the heat of the scorching sun are immediately mitigated, without one’s asking for relief. Therefore the whole concern of the conditioned soul should be the lotus feet of the Lord. The conditioned soul suffering from various tribulations because of existing in this material world can be relieved only when he seeks shelter at the Lord’s lotus feet.” (SB 6.9.43)
Although the Lord generally gives what devotees ask for, in certain circumstances the Lord gives His special mercy, helping the devotee to break with his attachments and go back to Godhead. Of course, this special mercy is reserved only for special devotees, who are almost ready to go back to Godhead. Srila Prabhupada explains how he himself became the recipient of this special mercy when he had problems with his business and lost all his material possessions. Initially, he had the idea of becoming a rich man and then using these resources to preach in the West, but Krsna had a different plan.
Prabhupada also explains this point in his purports in the same chapter: “Not knowing how to utilize his human or demigod life, a kṛpaṇa is attracted by things created by the material modes of nature. The kṛpaṇas, who always desire material benefits, are foolish, whereas brāhmaṇas, who always desire spiritual benefits, are intelligent. If a kṛpaṇa, not knowing his self-interest, foolishly asks for something material, one who awards it to him is also foolish. Kṛṣṇa, however, is not a foolish person; He is supremely intelligent. If someone comes to Kṛṣṇa asking for material benefits, Kṛṣṇa does not award him the material things he desires. Instead, the Lord gives him intelligence so that he will forget his material desires and become attached to the Lord’s lotus feet. In such cases, although the kṛpaṇa offers prayers to Lord Kṛṣṇa for material things, the Lord takes away whatever material possessions the kṛpaṇa has and gives him the sense to become a devotee.” (6.9.49)
By understanding that, we can see yet another advantage in praying to Krsna: our prayers never go unanswered. Or we get what we are praying for, or we get something better. Krsna is unlimitedly intelligent and He understands what is better for us better than anyone else. More than that, He can understand our heart, and thus give us something that is going to solve the underlying problems, instead of just mechanically giving us what we ask for, like demigods would do.
If a person prays for a demigod for four meters of hope, a demigod will just give him that, without knowing that he intends to use this rope to hang himself. However, if he prays to Krsna, He will understand what is the underlying problem. Instead of giving him the means to kill himself, He will give him a solution for his real problems, so he doesn’t need to rope in the first place. Above all that, Krsna also gives us things in ways that don’t become an impediment to our devotional service.
In a nutshell, if we are free from material desires and can pray to Krsna solely for pure devotional service, that’s the best. However, if we are not on such an elevated platform, we should pray to Krsna for whatever we think we need, instead of asking someone else. One who approaches Krsna never loses. It may take more or less time, but everyone who comes closer to Him eventually goes back to Godhead.
One important factor that every husband (devotee or not) should understand to be able to have a harmonious family life is about spheres of influence for the couple. This is a topic extensively described in the common-sense Purana.
It happens that every soul has a propensity for controlling. That’s why in the Bhagavad-Gita Krsna refers to us, the conditioned souls as “Purusha”, although in reality, He is the only real Purusha. Although constitutionally the soul is Prakriti, the energy of Krsna when the soul comes to this material world, it plays the role of an enjoyer or Purusha, and the most noticeable facet of this cosplay is our tendency to control.
What does it have to do with family life?
It happens that both men and women are souls, and except in very special couples, both are still conditioned. That’s usually what makes us get married in the first place.
Being both souls and both conditioned, both husband and wife have a tendency, to control, and we can practically see that in most couples this doesn’t go very well. Two persons living in the same house, both wanting to be the boss is a recipe for conflict. How can we avoid that?
When we start practicing spiritual life, and especially chanting the holy names, we have the chance for a clean start. No matter what we did in the past, we have the opportunity of very quickly erasing it by the potency of the holy names.
By the time he was approached by the Yamadutas, Ajamila had hilled, stolen, kidnapped, and so on. Still, when the Yamadutas came to take him, the Vishnudutas immediately appeared in the scene and questioned why they were taking an innocent man. The Yamadutas were surprised with such an enquiry and described the sins of Ajamila, arguing that they were under the authority of Yamaraja, but the Vishnudutas rebuked them and sent Ajamila back to his body. What the Yamadutas failed to realise was that Ajamila had destroyed the results of his past sinful actions by calling the name of Narayana while addressing his son. By the time the Yamadutas were ready to take him to hell he was indeed an innocent man.
The same process can work for us. There is however a complication: while the potency of the holy names is unlimited, one is supposed to stop committing all sinful activities when he starts to chant. We can see that after chanting and becoming purified, Ajamila immediately stopped all his sinful activities, leaving the company of the prostitute and dedicating himself to serve Lord Vishnu in a temple at Haridwar. By serving and keeping himself free from sin for the remaining years of his life, he was able to finally go back to Godhead.
We can see that many devotees are capable of strictly following the orders of the spiritual master and very seriously practice the spiritual process, an as a result they progress very fast. Most of us on the other hand continue tied to our material desires and often we do things we are not supposed to do, and this limits our progress. We are trying to advance in spiritual life with the handbrake pulled, so to say.
